Trigger warning: This poem contains themes of disordered eating and body image struggles.
Please read with care. You are beautiful exactly as you are.
You have always been, and will always be, enough.
When you've spent your whole life hearing:
"You're so small”
"So petite"
"So skinny"
It starts to become a part of your identity,
your worth,
your value,
If you don't have this,
What do you have?
It starts with the snacks,
gone.
Just like that.
Then it's the meals,
smaller portions,
skipping breakfast,
skipping lunch.
"I'm not hungry"
"I'll eat later"
One meal a day.
Portions getting smaller,
and smaller,
and
smaller.
Everyday on the scales,
Everyday measuring your worth,
New goals each time.
"I'l stop when I get to this"
You reach that goal and it’s still not enough.
When will it be enough?
Fingers down your throat
gagging over a toilet
Am I too broken to throw up?
Gargling salt water
nothing works.
"I'm fine"
"I'm fine"
"I can stop any time I want "
Lies.
More lies.
When will you stop lying to yourself?
Looking in the mirror
"Not enough"
"Never enough”
Stop.
Let someone in,
You don't have to do this alone
You aren't “fine"
That's okay
Recovery is possible
You can get through this
I believe in you.
Voices whisper in your mind
"There's no hope”
"You're broken"
"Unfixable"
Lies
Lies
Lies
It grows louder
and louder
It's scared
Losing control
You are winning
Keep going
I believe in you.
Recovery:
(noun)
A return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength
The action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost
A process.
Not an event
It takes time
Recovery is ongoing.
Each day an internal battle in my mind
Each day slightly more in control
Each day a little stronger
Look in the mirror,
Some days it will be hard
Some days a struggle
Some days better than others
Even through it all,
You are enough.
Through the pain
The tears
The bad days
The battles
You are enough.
You are healing
And you will get there.
Through it all
I am enough.
Though it all
We are enough.
Recovery is ongoing.
